SkiesPrayer
A prayer after losing a parent
Words for when your mom or dad has died and you don’t know what to pray. Read the prayer · Short prayers · Questions
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know how we ought to pray, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words. And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
Romans 8:26–27
When a parent dies you may have no words, and that’s all right: “the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know how we ought to pray, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us” (Romans 8:26). Tell God what you feel, ask him to hold you, and lean on the hope Christians have because “Jesus died and rose again” (1 Thessalonians 4:14).
Pray
God, my [mom / dad] has died, and I don’t know what to say to you. You know the ache I can’t put into words.
You know our whole story, all of it. Hold me in this sorrow, and be near to everyone who is grieving with me. Give me strength for the days ahead: the calls, the decisions and the quiet nights.
When I can’t pray, let your Spirit pray for me. Keep me close to you. Amen.
Words for the first hours
Whether you are grieving as a daughter, a son or an in-law, use the name you called them. Say that name to God, or tell him one honest feeling. One sentence is enough.
For your mother: God, my mom has died. I don’t know how to face this. Be near me in this next hour. Amen.
For your father: God, my dad has died. I have so much I cannot say. Hold me through this moment. Amen.
When you are shocked or exhausted: God, this does not feel real, and I have no strength. Help me through the next moment. Amen.
Prayers for what you may be feeling
When you feel numb: God, I can’t feel anything right now. Stay with me until I can. Amen.
When you’re angry: Lord, I’m angry, and I don’t understand. I bring you my anger, because I can’t carry it alone. Amen.
When the relationship was hard: God, my feelings about my [mom / dad] are tangled. You know all of it. Heal what was broken in me, and help me grieve honestly. Amen.
On a birthday, a holiday or an anniversary: Lord, this day brings so much back. Meet me in whatever I am feeling, and carry me through today. Amen.
When you have regrets: God, I keep returning to what I said and what I left unsaid. Help me bring real wrongs to you for forgiveness, and let go of blame that is not mine. Be gentle with me as I grieve. Amen.
After the funeral: Lord, the funeral is over, and ordinary life feels strange. Be near in the quiet, help me receive care, and give me strength for today. Amen.
If you’re not sure what your parent believed
Not knowing can be painful. Scripture gives sure hope to those who trust in Jesus, because he died and rose again. We cannot settle your parent’s relationship with God from what we know. God knows them fully and is just and merciful. You can pray, “God, I don’t know, and it hurts. Help me trust you with what I cannot know.” A trusted pastor can sit with you in this question.
Praying for a friend who lost a parent
A prayer for them: God of all comfort, be near to [name], whose [mom / dad] has died. Give them rest, people who show up, and your peace in the hardest moments. Amen.
You could text: “I’m so sorry. I’m praying for you, and I’m here.” A meal, an errand or simply sitting with them often helps more than words.
When grief is too heavy
Grief can be crushing. If it becomes more than you can carry, talk to someone you trust, your pastor or a doctor. In the US, if you are thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 now; if you are in immediate danger, call 911. Elsewhere, call your local emergency number.
Scripture behind this prayer
How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long must I wrestle in my soul, with sorrow in my heart each day? How long will my enemy dominate me? Consider me and respond, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, lest I sleep in death, lest my enemy say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes rejoice when I fall. But I have trusted in Your loving devotion; my heart will rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for He has been good to me.
Psalm 13:1–6
David’s honest lament: he asks “How long, O LORD?” and still chooses to trust.
Brothers, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you will not grieve like the rest, who are without hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, we also believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him. By the word of the Lord, we declare to you that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a loud command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will be the first to rise. After that, we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.
1 Thessalonians 4:13–18
Paul comforts believers grieving people who died in Christ. Because Jesus died and rose again, those who belong to him will rise and be with him. This hope leaves room for tears; it does not tell us what a particular parent believed.
Questions people ask
My dad just died. What can I pray?
Start with whatever is true: “God, my dad has died, and I need you.” You don’t need the right words. The prayer on this page can help, and the Spirit prays for us when we can’t (Romans 8:26).
Is it OK to be angry at God when a parent dies?
You can tell him. The psalms are full of honest complaint: “How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?” (Psalm 13:1). David brought his sorrow to God, and the psalm ends in trust.
Should I pray to my parent, or for my parent?
In the evangelical approach used here, we pray to God through Jesus for comfort and help. We do not pray to a deceased parent or ask to change their eternal state. You can bring God your grief, memories and unanswered questions. Other traditions, including Catholic and Orthodox churches, pray to God for the departed; that is different from praying to the person who died. Your pastor can help you understand your church’s teaching.
How long does grief last?
There is no deadline. Grief often returns on birthdays, holidays and anniversaries, sometimes years later. Christians grieve too, but Paul says believers do not “grieve like the rest, who are without hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13).
